Marmel.com

Holier Than Thou.  Electable-ier than… well, he’s really just flat out un-electable. 

COLUMBUS, Ohio — White House candidate Rick Santorum on Saturday questioned President Barack Obama’s Christian values and attacked GOP rival Mitt Romney’s Olympics leadership as he courted tea party activists and evangelical voters in Ohio, “ground zero” in the 2012 nomination fight.

Santorum, a former Pennsylvania senator known for his social conservative policies, said that Obama’s agenda is “not about you. It’s not about your quality of life. It’s not about your jobs. It’s about some phony ideal. Some phony theology. Not a theology based on the Bible. A different theology.”

Got that kids?  It’s some phony ideal.  A phony theology.  Not based on the bible.  

Let’s not even get into the whole “Church and State” thing, because Rick wants to be to America what the Ayotollah is in Iran.  

But are you listening other, saner, different Christians?  You can only be Christian if you’re Rick Santorum’s idea of a Christian.  And the rest of you should start making plans for your general admission seats in Hell.

That’s you, Lutherans.  Protestants.  Jews.  Mormons.  

In fact, that’s about 77% of America that aren’t “Catholic.”  

And as for you silly women with your silly body parts and your silly desire for contraception that’s not closing your slutty knees together using an aspirin, like they did back in the day you can pick out your hell chair as well.

So who could Santorum be speaking to that wouldn’t feel isolated? Catholic Men - a full 11.5% of the population.  Narrow bandwidth, sweater-vest.

This man will NEVER be president.  

This man will probably end up running a Chic-Fil-A and running it very poorly.  

The longer this moron stays in the race - the more the GOP talks about things like lady parts - the better it is for Obama.  So I’l all for it.  Keep bloodying each other.  Love it.

Still, today?   Santorum.  you can piss right off, you self-righteous strip of turd.  

______

11:29 update

Well, give a turd a chance and he’s still going to be a turd.  Here comes the spin.

A more congenial Rick Santorum doubled down on several controversial, and religiously laden, remarks in an interview Sunday morning on CBS’s “Face the Nation,” where he defended his recent claims that prenatal testing results in abortions, that federally provided education was “anachronistic,” and that President Obama’s policies are not “based on the Bible.”

“I’ve repeatedly said I don’t question the president’s faith,” Santorum told host Bob Schieffer, denying what some have said was a signal that Santorum had challenged the legitimacy of Obama’s Christianity. “I’ve repeatedly said that I believe the president’s Christian — he says he’s Christian. But I am talking about his worldview, the way he addresses problems in this country, and they’re different than most people view it in America.”

In a speech to Tea Party conservatives on Saturday in Columbus, Ohio, Santorum had dismissed Obama’s politics as being based in “some phony theology.”

An incredulous Bob Schieffer began his interview with Santorum Sunday by asking, “What in the world were you thinking?”

“I was talking about the radical environmentalists,” Santorum said, suggesting that they believe man should protect the earth, rather than “steward its resources.” “I think that is a phony ideal. I don’t believe that’s what we’re here to do … We’re not here to serve the earth. That is not the objective, man is the objective.”

Oh, shut the hell up you ridiculous throwback.  No you weren’t.  You were at a party with a bunch of similar minds and you pandered to the lowest common denominator.  Then you got called on it and you’re backpedalling.

“I was talking about radical environmentalists.”  Really?  Where in the above comments should we have figured that out?  Because you’re telling us now?  What a weird little liar you are.

Earlier in the day on Saturday, Santorum had also said that health insurance plans shouldn’t be required to cover prenatal testing, because that testing results in more abortions, as well as contending that government-run public education was “anachronistic.”

Sure!  And if a woman dies because of a complication, that’s okay, right?  Again, remember this when you vote, women:  To Rick Santorum, you are nothing but a tunnel to make more male babies.  Now get back in the kitchen.

Ass.

Is that the people behind this…

And this:

And this:

Don’t understand that women have power and worth something.  Even it’s something like this.

The

But it’s not that far leap.

Great job on the Birth Control issue guys.  Keep up the good work.  

In related news about horrible white guys embarrassing the rest of them, Goodbye, dip$h*t.

Well, he got his talking points, he was programmed to speak to the fringe and it worked!  By seven whole percent.  

Romney defended his one term as governor of Massachusetts, saying he erased a large deficit to balance the budget, eliminated government agencies and applied the lessons of private enterprise to running the state government.

By being a moderate.  Shh!  He’s a right wing loon now… here’s hopping everybody forgot.

“I want to get my hands on Washington, DC,” Romney said.

I hope he means the city instead of this guy:

Because otherwise that’s gonna muddy the whole “I’m a homophobe just like you” message he spent crapping out this week.

More fun with Mitt:

He detailed a laundry list of pledges to the crowd about social issues, saying that if elected president he would fight for a constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman,

At least this week.

that he would reinstate the Mexico City policy, that he would cut off funding for the United Nations Population Fund — which he said “supports China’s barbaric One Child Policy”

Hmm.  Seems like he’s already on the path to making friends globally.  Any things else?

— and that he would cut off federal funding for Planned Parenthood.

Unless women have a problem with that, and considering they vote more than men, I would imagine this softens too.

But congratulations, Rombag!  At least today, in the little petrie dish of fear mongering, you are KING OF THE LOONS!  

Try not to suck in Maine, ‘kay?

What a day!!!

          First, Karen Handel exits: 

Karen Handel, vice president for public affairs at Susan G. Komen for the Cure, resigned on Tuesday following public outcry over the announcement Komen would pull funding from Planned Parenthood. After Komen reversed its decision, The Huffington Post reported thatHandel drove the decision to defund Planned Parenthood over abortion politics and crafted the strategy to clean up the public relations mess that ensued.

Although she acknowledges her involvement in the Planned Parenthood decision in her resignation letter, she also decries what she calls “gross mischaracterizations” of the situation and maintains that the decision was not about politics:

I am deeply disappointed by the gross mischaracterizations of the strategy, its rationale, and my involvement in it. I openly acknowledge my role in the matter and continue to believe our decision was the best one for Komen’s future and the women we serve. However, the decision to update our granting model was made before I joined Komen, and the controversy related to Planned Parenthood has long been a concern to the organization. Neither the decision nor the changes themselves were based on anyone’s political beliefs or ideology. Rather, both were based on Komen’s mission and how to better serve women, as well as a realization of the need to distance Komen from controversy. I believe that Komen, like any other nonprofit organization, has the right and the responsibility to set criteria and highest standards for how and to whom it grants.

What was a thoughtful and thoroughly reviewed decision — one that would have indeed enabled Komen to deliver even greater community impact — has unfortunately been turned into something about politics. This is entirely untrue. This development should sadden us all greatly.

She leaves as she entered and worked - a liar.

Well, we’re all disappointed that someone like you was allowed anywhere near the levers of women health so, good bye and good riddance, bad person.

          Then, Prop 8 is overturned!

SAN FRANCISCO — A federal appeals court on Tuesday declared California’s same-sex marriage ban to be unconstitutional, putting the bitterly contested, voter-approved law on track for a likely appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court.

A three-judge panel of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled 2-1 that a lower court judge correctly interpreted the U.S. Constitution and Supreme Court precedents when he declared in 2010 that Proposition 8 – a response to an earlier state court decision that legalized gay marriage – was a violation of the civil rights of gays and lesbians.

And of course, this gives the four stooges a talking point for this election, and Rick Santorum (who is insane) something to freak out about, which I’ve had my fill of.  When are they going to put sleeves on that sweater vest and make it a straight jacket?

Still.  Awesome.

AND THEN THIS!!!  THE SPIDER-MAN TRAILER!  AND IT’S AWESOME!

Seriously. This much good in one day?  I’m going to go play the lotto now.

Jackass.  

“I don’t believe breast cancer research is advanced by funding an organization that does abortions where you’ve seen ties to cancer and abortions,” said a hoarse Santorum on “Fox News Sunday.”

In fact, a 2007 study published by the Archives of Internal Medicine studying 105,716 women found no link between breast cancer and abortions. Abortion services account for about three percent of Planned Parenthood’s activities, while cancer screening and prevention accounts for 16 percent.

Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum sounded off on the Susan G. Komen for the Cure decision to cut off funds to Planned Parenthood for breast exams, which it reversed in part Friday.

First, lets be clear, Komen reversed nothing.  They bought themselves time and space by saying they’ll review it. But as long as Karen Handel is making decisions, it’s not going to happen.  So prepare for that.

Second, I call douche.  He’ll deny climate change, but back this “science?”  How convinient.

While I enjoy the chaos going on in the Republican nomination process, I want this guy on the next boat to “You’re a jackass, please crawl back into your hole” ville.  

You’re probably thinking “where are the jokes?”

My answer:  I’ll throw you punchlines when there’s something worth spinning into something amusing.  Tragedy + Time = Comedy.  Right now, every time he opens his mouth, it’s tragedy.

He tarnishes every intelligent, compassionate Christian who walks this planet.

Back to the 1650s, you lunatic Quaker.

Jesus, the media want this thing to be over, don’t they?

Four states.  Iowa with it’s non binding caucus, New Hampshire with it’s… tinyness, South Carolina with it’s right-wing lunacy and then Florida which is own bag of cats.

FOUR.

Now admittedly, there were five thousand Republican debates, so that probably made it seem like this thing has been going on forever, but it hasn’t.   And while the first big state with a diverse population has weighed in…  this is where it stands:

So even if you buy the idea that Mitt is getting 50 delegates (There’s a debate as to whether they should go proportional), Nevada and Maine each have more delegates than Florida and they are coming up.

So what’s the rush?

Yes, I have a horse in this race.  A partisan one.  I love watching Gingrich go after Romney like a crazed wolverine, because I do not like the idea that Mitt thinks he can just buy his way into the oval office.  He spent 16.7 million in Florida alone (him and his Super Pac).  I love watching Mitt go from being mean, to soft, to confused, to singing the elderly to sleep.

And yes, I love that the Republicans are the ones bearing the brunt and the horror of this “Citizens United” ruling which states corporations are people, which is why a corporation of one person was able to give Newt Gingrich $10 million dollars.

But more importantly, why should three tiny states and one big one that caters to very specific issues get to close the deal on this? 

They shouldn’t.  And I’d be saying that whether this was a Republican Primary or a Democratic Primary.

If there’s even a chance I’m going any of these four still running in the primaries could be president (HAHAHAH!  Santorum, Paul… No chance.  But needed to say it), I want to know them on a cellular level.

There are 46 other states out there who deserve to have their balls cupped by the Republican of their choice.  Gentlemen - at least Romney and Gingrich for now - start your cupping.

Santorum, you might want to get a latex glove.

Shocking, because I thought it was his $parkling personality and connection to the common man.

Seriously, this is news like Katherline Heigl’s new movie getting a 3% critic approval on Rotten Tomatoes… a big fat duh.

May the richest lunatic win.

WASHINGTON — Fresh off a triumphant victory in the South Carolina primary, former Speaker Newt Gingrich came to Florida with the wind at his back. What he may not have known was that he would be riding those winds into a wall of money. A newly feisty Mitt Romney, fighting for his political life, and his loyal super PAC unloaded on Gingrich in the Sunshine State with a massive spending binge that included wall-to-wall attack ads in a repeat of the assault that knocked Gingrich from the top of the polls in the run-up to the Iowa caucus.

The biggest spender in Florida — the most expensive state in the Republican primary to date — has been the pro-Romney super PAC Restore Our Future. Run by a trio of former Romney advisers, the group has spent $10.7 million in the state. The vast majority of that — $9.9 million — has gone into a barrage of ads, on television and radio, and direct mail attacking Gingrich. That’s more than double what pro-Gingrich super PAC Winning Our Future is spending in Florida.

This is the opposite of what happened in South Carolina, where Winning Our Future was able to match the spending of Restore Our Future and provide Gingrich with room to win.

#SantorumInsane courtesy of @thinkprogress  

Okay, so, if you’ve been following me you know what I think about this guy. He is batcrap crazy and the fact that he’s still in the race is both appalling, hilarious, and damaging to the Republican party. So, obviously, I’m for him staying in and shining a light on what a substandard crop they’ve raised for the 2012 harvest.

This falls more under “Appalling” 

If you can’t stomach to watch it, here’s the gist:

SANTORUM: Well, you can make the argument that if she doesn’t have this baby, if she kills her child, that that, too, could ruin her life. And this is not an easy choice. I understand that. As horrible as the way that that son or daughter and son was created, it still is her child. And whether she has that child or doesn’t, it will always be her child. And she will always know that. And so to embrace her and to love her and to support her and get her through this very difficult time, I’ve always, you know, I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you. As you know, we have to, in lots of different aspects of our life. We have horrible things happen. I can’t think of anything more horrible. But, nevertheless, we have to make the best out of a bad situation.

I love the “we” here.  Who’s we?  Are you the raped?  The rapist?  Or just some sweater-vested idiot shouting ignorance from the sidelines.  

Share this.  Retweet it.  Every single woman of voting age should shout as loudly as they can to the heavens that this is a guy who considers you a monorail for babies.  ANYBODY’S babies.  Because whatever might come out of your womb is more important than anything that might come out of your mouth, your career, or your time on this planet.

That’s his message to half the electorate:  ”Thanks for breeding, now shut up.”

Dig this quote from the lunatic in the sweater vest who walks like a man.

I was so outraged by the president of the United States for standing up and saying every child in America should go to college. Well who are you? Who are you to say that every child in America should [go to college]? I mean, the hubris of this president to think that he knows what’s best. 

 I have seven kids. Maybe they will all go to college. But if one of my kids wants to go and be an auto-mechanic, good for him. That’s a good paying job: using your hands, using your mind. This is the kind of snobbery that we see from those who think they know how to run our lives. Rise up America, defend your own freedoms. And overthrow these folks who think they know how to orchestrate every aspect of your lives.

Outraged?  Really? 

Then you’re probably the same ignorant hillbilly who wants to know “Who does Michelle Obama think she is” asking our kids to be healthy.

 Yes, how dare the President want every child to be educated as best they can and to have every opportunity that can be afforded them?  What a d*ck!

“Hubris.” “Snobbery.”  What’s the matter, can’t say “Uppity?”  Afraid it might come out “Blah?” 

“Rise Up, America!”  - Did you find that in KKK literature?

Nobody’s telling your child he or she can’t be an auto-mechanic.  But if that auto-mechanic could have been a doctor, or a physicist, or found a cure for something… and never got the opportunity, that’s a bad thing.  

(Unless that person is a woman, I guess, in which case, Santorum would expect her to stay at home and raise a litter.)

This man is poison.

This man is insane.

This man shouldn’t be allowed near anything with a big red button - be it the nuclear codes or the one at Staples that says “Easy.”

“Who are you to say every child in America should go to college?” Yes, America.  ’Eff you and whatever dreams and opportunity you might have.

Rick Santorum might need his car fixed.

Hey, New Hampshire.  South Carolina.  Put this idiot out of our misery, will you?